The anxious MBA
I never took anxiety that seriously, nor felt that it affected me, lockdown taught me different. The last 12 months have shown me that anxiety can be debilitating, demotivating, and lasting.
Having entered lock-down 2020 as a recent MBA graduate thinking I was set for a high flying shift in career I have had my expectations aggressively reset. The economy clammed up for all graduates, not just the fresh faced undergrads entering the market for the first time. Being 31 with a generalist jack-of-all-trades masters (lets be honest that’s what an MBA is) may have been as challenging as it gets.
You’re too experienced for a junior role in the industry you’d like to transition into. You’re too inexperienced to move up, or laterally, into your new chosen industry, and frankly, you’re educated to such a broad high-level that you’re the antithesis of the specialist most businesses desire in an experienced masters graduate.
Fast forward to January 2021 and I’ve traded one source of anxiety for another. Working remotely is both a blessing and curse. On the one hand you don’t need to commute, eat sub-par sandwiches from a high street franchise, nor take excessive care in your attire and appearance. However, you have to earn the right to wear a kikoi and t-shirt to work, and the price is steep.
Chained to a desk is probably the most apt description. There is an inherent guilt from being offline even for a few minutes with those ghastly traffic light icons, and even taking lunch seems a guilty pleasure. I’ve never worked such long days in my career, and I’ve only been doing this for 3 months, I shudder to think how people have done this for 12 months!
With my career seemingly going off a cliff edge in 2020, to being very single at 31, and compounded by a lack of motivation for London after 6 years of miserable weather its not hard to identify the root of my anxiety.
Lack of sleep, listlessness, little motivation to exercise, and overeating are just some of the issues I have noticed affecting me. Now, this is not to say I’m on the edge of a meltdown, but for someone who was relatively (I think!) stable, happy, and motivated pre-COVID I’d say I’m close to the edge, and I shudder to think of those who were in a more vulnerable state before this all began.
My current thinking is that there are two takeaways. One, this scenario will end, and on a positive note, I’ve recently reacquired my hunger and urgency to maximise my utility in life. Two, corporate careers are not the path for me. They’re a trap we’re directed down through the structured bias of our education and socioeconomic class. Consider what you want, challenge the social norms that govern you, and chase the sun.
